Nothing but a victim of His astounding love.
Writing Down Things Before I Forget Them
I was thinking while walking home from North Gate after my last lecture of the day, that I am obviously destitute without Christ. And so my thoughts turned to a prayer of sorts, declaring to God that yeah, “I’m absolutely nothing without Your presence in my life.” Then I pondered the thought of ever daring to tell someone that I am nothing without him. The statement renders me absolutely vulnerable and gives the person absolute power over me. Then I realized that all of this time, I’ve not once been afraid to tell God that I’m nothing without him. In him, there is no fear that he, with absolute sovereignty over my life, will ever forsake or exploit me. I’ve been living in the knowledge of his love and unfailing good will for me. What freedom it is to trust in the love of this God. I’m living in this facet of freedom that I’ve only just become aware of.
With democratic revolution happening in parts of Libya, I look at the freedom the Libyans declare (cause Oliver showed me) over themselves. I’m kind of just in awe at the shift of political powers that are completely rearranging the social and personal identities of real people, right now. Liberation means so much when you’ve identified your life with captivity. And I don’t mean to undermine the emancipation of the Libyans at all. But I’d like to juxtapose their newly acquired democratic freedom to the freedom that Jesus Christ gave us from the fetters of sin that we all started with. I don’t think I’ve identified with the captivity of my sinfulness enough recently, to understand the magnitude of grace poured onto me by His blood. But it is oh so good to let the Spirit speak into my heart the truth of my salvation again and again. I’m so prone to forget… so idiotic.
Right now, I’m really taking in a lot. God is good in his guidance about what he could possibly want me to do for his kingdom. He keeps bringing me back to his command to care for the orphans, the widows, the poor. Through Scripture, messages, and encounters, I’m taking in a call to pour Him out through me onto others.
He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.
-Deuteronomy 10:18-19
My heart’s desire is not for personal satisfaction, or good works, or even obedience. I just want to come to a place where I simply desire God and pour out as he has into me. It’s too tiring to do this any other way; there are too many motives and reasons for why I do and say this and that. Desiring God is enough, I think.
So whether I do BayUP or look for work/internship this summer, I’m good. Oh but that my prayer life would be more zealous and fruitful, and that I’d be more transparent and love on the people I already claim to love the most.
Wednesday Feb 2 @ 06:19am